This month has been a real rollercoaster of
emotions for us. Now we should be used
to that by now, André and I. It is just
our journey, our life. We have been all
over the map with my health, and just life “stuff”. But it just seems for every step forward, we
are taking two back.
In March we had cleared all the hurdles to
just get my health strong enough to have the consult with the orthopedic
surgeon. Dr. “Surgeon”, is a wonderful
young mother, world renowned orthopedic oncologist, and very popular with her
colleagues here in Montreal. She had
discussed “options” with us, and it seemed the only way to get me out of this
life of incurable pain, was to amputate my other leg. I am taking a lot of pain medication, but the
pain is still stronger. To take the
dosage I would need to be able to be comfortable brings side effects of nausea,
itching, grogginess, and impairs my already strained cognitive function. I want a life where I do not hurt 24/7. I want a life without the continued narcotics,
and the damage that they will do to my other organs. I want a life period. Damn, I have been a patient for over 40
years. I know my body better than
anyone, and I was up to listening to all the possible options. Amputation was the agreed upon decision. So we followed Dr. S’s instructions, and we
had the MRI done, (I say “we” because André has been to every single one of
these appointments with me). We had the
x-rays done, we had the psychiatry appointment done, and had the go ahead from
the psychiatry department. Then came
pre-op, and after a full day of pre-admissions I was officially on the
admission waiting list and we were good to go.
We were just waiting for the “call” to come in. Just
give us a DATE!
So what do I know for sure? I know that Dr. Surgeon has never called
ME. I know that Dr. B’s office should be
calling me to go in and meet him. The
fax was written “URGENT”, but hey my “URGENT” and theirs may not have the same
definition.
I I am a patient, yes. The reality
is, I am done, I am fed up, I have no
PATIENCE!
RING PHONE RING!
It is unfortunate that Dr. S seems more concerned about herself than you. She seems to have 'made the decision' that she is most comfortable with and therefore you have to let go of that option. Don't stress yourself out by waiting to hear what 'her' decision is...make your own. Trust that you are being given the opportunity to make the decision that you feel is best for you.....patience has nothing to do with this....life is teaching you to take back your control and trust your own decisions. We sometimes believe that we are the one in control until someone doesn't agree with us...then the test is set...who's decision do we go with. I believe, that you are being offered, with Dr B, to go YOUR way and to trust yourself....say good bye to Dr. S, those man- made recognitions that she may have don't mean much when she can't even call you and discuss this directly....tells me that she isn't quite as sure about her own decision as she might like to think. Kathy, trust in what you know it the true way for you and go with it....and yes phone ring....but you make the decision|!
ReplyDeleteYou know my feelings about this, ForestChild, my last e-mail was overflowing with 'em! One thing is for sure, and will never change: you're my hero ... KOA WIWE'OLE, KIA KAHA, MANA'OLANA, MOE'UHANE, ME'E ... 4&4
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